An Abusive Relationship

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

                                                                              Isaiah 41:10

Have I mentioned that diets are hard? Sometimes I would rather die then to be on a diet. I love to eat I cant deny that. I love fattening foods and sometimes I feel like they are calling my name. I cant turn on the TV without some pizza, taco, chicken finger, lobster little minion calling for me to come eat it! It kills me. I love things I shouldn't have and I crave things I shouldn't have and I don't know how long I can take this and what to actually do!  

I know I come on here day after day and whine about what I cant have but it truly bothers me. It truly tears me up to eat chicken at a steak house or salad at the Mexican place. I want to be skinny I TRULY do but I can not get away from obsessing over what I cant have.

What the hell is wrong with me? It is not normal to sit here and dwell over this! I have so much more important things to be doing but somehow food is always in the way! I hate it.... I hate food and what it has done to me. 

Its almost like one of those abusive relationships women get into. You hate the guy but no matter what happens you just cant get enough of him? I hate food.... I hate it so much but in the same breath I crave a cheeseburger... Am I one of those women who is in an abusive relationship? with food?!?!

I am a sick sick puppy! 

So far... I have not fallen off the diet wagon but I want to. I'm hungry for something cheesy or gooey or something! I go to bed longing for a just a bite of something good. 

Exercise doesn't help... except for the fact that after I do it there is no way in hell that I am eating those calories back! 

Anyways enough ranting for one night... its midnight so I am going to go savor my midnight snack and go to bed... next goal is kicking Diet Mt. Dew habit... then possibly the toast. 

I am also going to try www.sparkpeople.com I have heard some really good things about it and I am hoping I can get an even better tracking system then I have... Has anyone used it... let me know what you think. 

Thanks for listening to my rant! Goodnight!