Oh The Frustration

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

Psalm 4:4

Tonight I am frustrated. I have not eaten one bite of refined sugar for a whole week and somehow have not lost a pound. Not once have I cheated, not even a little bit. I have eaten around 1200 calories a day and left out all sugar, white bread, pasta and just junk but I cant seem to get down at all. I am so frustrated its like I am stuck hoovering just over 200lbs! Its like to get under 200 is not a possibility for me! 

I just want to say F it but somehow I keep on plugging.... for what I don't know! I know my exercise is not the best but I am trying with that too.... and I know... at least the hundreds of research and dietitians I have gone to tell me that if I eat less then I burn then I should lose weight.... where the hell is the results?? 

I'm sorry I am so cranky but I just don't get how I cant lose weight. What is going on? I'm eating enough so I am not starving my body... so whats the deal? 

The Bible says... "in your anger do not sin" so although I want to go get a big mac I wont because in all reality that would be sinning... maybe not to God but to myself. I know that with time it will work out right? Diets suck by the way! 

Besides not losing any weight things are OK. I cant work because they cant stay in school long enough to need subs which is kind of frustrating. I guess when I run out of money I will run out of food and eventually lose weight. 

Valentines Day is coming... I had a thought the other night that I don't hate valentines day, I hate that I have never had any man do anything for me that day and so it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me hate myself because I have never been important enough to even get a heart of candy or a card or a simple "Happy Valentines Day". Yes I have said that people should love each other everyday but I have decided that if I ever find a man again.... I want things like valentines day... why not? I am special enough.... if you cant handle that... don't have me! 

Wow... Missy is feisty tonight... I kinda like this new me :) 

I guess I am just realizing people are lairs and I hate that. I am just realizing that I have to trust myself and be very careful with the rest of the world. We live in a world full of users and manipulators and I don't want to be a part of that... I want to be real and live with real people not a bunch of fakers who only talk to you because they have a hidden agenda somewhere... If it seems to good to be true... it most likely is. Just a Thought. 

So my conclusion... even though I hate that I cant lose... I am not giving up... I will reach 199 eventually... I have too. I'm not gaining which is a plus I am just sitting here like a lump on a log... I guess my body has been over 200 that its confused.... it wont know what to do if it goes under 200.... yeah... that's it :)